When doubt creeps in...

Well, the past ten days have been absolutely the most devastating and sad of our lives. It is difficult to speculate how you might react in a given situation, and I have to admit, the past week's experiences have been hard to bear. I have felt my beliefs and my "understanding" of the world, of life, and of God very shaken. I cannot recall a time in my life when I have doubted the existence of God, but in all honesty, I have felt in the past week, a bit of doubt about his character. I have a hard time right now seeing him as loving and benevolent; it is more like capricious and fickle. I know that may seem harsh, or at the very least, quite cynical, but you must remember that I am a certified Cynical Pessimist. It just feels to me, that if God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and merciful and loving, surely he could have done something to save Boston. Since I really do believe that he is all-powerful, and that he obviously did not do anything to save Boston, I am left to conclude that he made a conscious decision NOT to save him. I am not really sure how to deal with these feelings. It is very painful to think that he deliberately did not save him, and yet may have chosen to save someone else, somewhere else. It hurts to think that he was that selective and emotionally removed from Stephanie to do that. I don't really know what else I can say. In fact, I am sure this rambling rant of "Doubting Thomas" thoughts has probably gone on too long. I am just having a really hard time reconciling the past week's events with what I have before believed about God. Anyway, maybe just this post that is altogether whiny, pessimistic, cynical and down-hearted will be somehow therapeutic and helpful. We'll see.....